We miss you so much Sushant
If you’re amongst the stars which you so admiringly gazed upon each night, please tell us that you’re alright, please tell us that you’re no longer in pain, please tell us everything you could not.
The songs are now stuck in a dark melody, faintly tuning in rays of regret because the world had stopped singing when you needed it the most. Every garden has been snatched off its beauty, the newest wall which had been painted yellow is now turning grey and the books you so unconditionally poured your heart out to are all wet, tired of weeping each evening.
As words slowly try to express our heartbreak, it still feels so unreal, like it were all a dream, and that things would get better if we just wake up. But what is ‘waking up’ if there is no appreciation of life right here, the land which has us searching and destroying ourselves at the same time.
As each day unfolds, we are learning more about you, and everything that made you so ‘different’ from the everyday crowd. It was your love for the stars, and then your defining hardships, your quest to prove yourself to the world right from ground zero, and your scent of humbleness that so beautifully glows inside our hearts.
To assemble each evening, side by side, and look for moments that hurt and to search for water in the vastness of the ocean is about as equal as it could get. But what hurts the most is knowing that you were in pain, interlocked with everything that you could not prevent, and there was no one here to help you.
Seasons will no longer whisper about the change in the color of a tree or the change in the behavior of an animal to suit the weather, but utter endless waves of melancholia, because each new breath we take would feel like yours, that you too were here, right amongst us yet so far away.
It’s like we’re now stuck inside this void that is life and the only way to escape is through grief.
Your imagination of the world was literally ‘out of this world’, the friendship with the cosmos which you so creatively fashioned and the daily allure with the scientific world that so prudently marveled.
And every laughter is now gone because you’re no longer smiling like you used to—how can we?
Every picture of ‘happiness’ will have turned blurry, the birds will have stopped singing and the moon will have walked away from us, escaping the scrutiny of the naked eye because we could not even appreciate the things you did while you were still here.
And if it were possible, even in the realm of a parallel universe, we’d undoubtedly give a share of our lives just to add to yours. We’d really do that Sushant.
We miss you so much…
-Yogesh Chandra