I’m Only Human

I walked past the lamppost, trembling uncontrollably, trying to search for a meaning. Scathing with my own existence, I felt a little err trying to get ahold of me. It was as if I had seen this coming, and still—to my surprise, I turned and looked at myself walking away from me.

I haven’t felt like this in a very long time and now that it strikes, like the edges of sliced ice—there is no escape. To think that I’m going to leave this arena, never to return—shivers surround but the feeling is no longer appealing. Old frames placed at each step forward, I can no longer fight it.

Maybe I was meant to be like this, even at times when I was supposed to be happy, which was never meant to. These carefree mistakes, who would have known that it’d end like this. A pause in the unwavering tracks, my pulse shakes and it asks of me, to stop walking like I had to all this while.

People say that I’m weak, but what’s left that’ll even make me smile? Doors to connectedness, rain and storm that is but a gift. I could never grasp, this thing called life, and for me to have been playing it like it was a curse.

Each breath will have been mimicked, the rainbows fabricated and the happiness factor overly rated. In this life, nobody ever smiles and those who do are just pretending. Yet I continue to get marveled by the slightest of the changes, the shift in the cosmos that is, but the mind.

I lost myself trying to save me. Maybe it had to be, now that everybody is playing like an endless tape. Doing things that we do every day, narrating the same lines over and over again.

No better regret than life, for the wise know that it had to be this way. Such sincere are the winds that always talk about me, making me feel that I still exist. I don’t mind their vocabulary being surrounded by words such as melancholia, grief and desperation. Even they feel a little pity for me each time I pass by.

Anyways, I shan’t talk more about me, but pour the expression that many of you may be battling with as well. Should we give up?

Look around the corners and see that nobody even hears you, and I will not say a thing but see me dissolve at the heart of this wretchedness. Maybe I’d be glad that everything was well utilized, each second cared for and perfected with the utmost fall.

It does not hurt, but the feeling that is aching. No one to share, and life will only be beautiful tomorrow, lucky will be those who will be able to see it.

Such unfortunate for the other half that feel nothing but waves of destruction, overpowering any hope or affection that may have been left. This human form of existence, it was never any better.

-Yogesh Chandra