Depression and a Fake Smile- What is the feel of it?

One out of ten or perhaps each one out of the ten, at this very moment, sitting under the red lights of April, wandering around the unreal whispers of a tree, is feeling depressed like never before.

The land shifts, the stagnant winds climax and the deteriorating daggers are back, no one to save you from yourself. Have you ever been so depressed that life started walking like an unreal kite under the pouring tempest, knowing that it was not how things were meant to be? In fact, the kites have long left and there is no sky, and all that is- an empty room filled with black crayons shifting endlessly across the dynamic of such cruel space and time, there is nothing left of life.

Have you ever felt so depressed that you could not fathom, what are you even doing here, still holding onto that lung of yours? And the charm inside the bed-sheets, none is left of it and all that is, a fine line of melancholic expression whose edges have been cut off.

To feel the rays of depression, I think it is a gift. For life will start leaning on itself, or days consumed by such conditional thoughts whose scent breaks you apart every time you breathe. There is nothing left inside the chest, the skin is no one but an open playground and the fingers are in merry, for end is near.

To feel the currents, it is like flying while knowing that you could not fly and your hands have been stitched together to your mind- no one can escape the beat that is to delay each second. So you hold onto your breath, waiting impatiently, dis-organized, drawn to a light which is more of a fictitious sight- and you know it.

But the beauty, to be drowning such uncontrollably, unaware of all that is going around, it is such a pleasant feeling. And if feelings mean anything to you, it is that day with papa, the last day beside his comforting skin, if only you knew that he wasn’t coming back.

The pulsation and the sedated heart, they are left at the station waiting for the train knowing that none was ever coming. It is such close to destiny and life is nothing but a fragment of a distorted smile which was never meant to be happy, and all that is- a series of unrelenting emotions whose rays are such overwhelming.

Such sad leaves and the mind and the skies- what can I even say? The light is disloyal, always has been yet you sit here waiting for it each day, hoping that it comes and makes you happy once again.

The fairy tale is a beautiful truth only if it conforms to that alluring lie. People say that things will get better one day, and why do they even say that- knowing all that you know, nothing would ever get any better.

The pretty scent of each second, and the sober yet suggestively sedated mind whose beats have stopped dancing, only to realize that it can never be the same as it was yesterday. Ever felt like a thousand needles were being pierced into your mind and all that you could do was to sit and stare at your own fall. O beautiful fall, and autumn is also depressed, no one can change that.

So let me trust a few words only, ones that will never depart, how much longer- for the art is getting creatively flawed and the veins have stopped ticking, each grass and every cloud is dead.

-Yogesh Chandra

Image Courtesy: https://pixabay.com/en/woman-desperate-sad-tears-cry-1006100/